Two April Fools
by chaann
Summary: AU - Sasori is ready for his foreign boyfriend, Deidara, and his crazy foreign holiday. At least he think he is. SasoDei/Yaoi/oneshot


"He's going to get you if you don't watch out."

Sasori turned in his seat and looked back at the voice. Making eye contact so it was clear the man behind him was indeed talking to him. This was his boyfriends closest friend after all.

"What was that, Hidan?"

"Be on alert. This April first is some weird holiday back in Deidara's home country and he fucking loves it."

Sasori's brows furrowed. What was this all about though? Deidara was going to get him? Get him to what, celebrate with him? What's was so wrong with celebrating a foreign holiday with his foreign boyfriend! He was honored to be able to partake in his sweetheart's culture. The fact that they could share between the two of them was a great bonding experience. To not partake would be foolish!

"I would love to be part of Deidara's heritage. I see no harm in sharing cultures."

Hidan snorted loudly, "Wow you're a fuck-twit to say that."

"Hrnnn."

"Since I was on the receiving end of it last year, I'll still help you out Red, listen up as to why it's dangerous..."

Sasori raised a brow, hardly interested, "He's not going to set me on fire in some sort of ritual is he?"

"I wish I could wholeheartedly say no..." Hidan laughed while rubbing his head as he slumped over his desk, like he was recalling a time in the past something similar had happened, "But it's called April Fools. It's a day to absolute prank the hell out of the people in your life."

Rolling his eyes skyward, how was Sasori not surprised by this. Of course the one thing he was hoping to be a sweet culturally gesture to share with each other would result in him secretly being tarred and feathered in the end.

Deidara was certainly the romantic type.

Hidan tutted Sasori back into the real world, "Anyway! You two have been dating a couple months now and I bet he's just dying to get you good. Be on high alert, 'cause you never know when that sneaky bitch is going to get you."

"Sneaky bitch, huh?" Sasori sighed, turning back into his seat. " _Sure_. I'll heed your warning."

 **-DAWN OF APRIL FIRST-**

Sasori didn't heed Hidan's warning. He really couldn't care less if the whole point was him getting pranked. The way see saw it, to be part of the culture was to embrace it. Thus for to be pranked. Besides, the blond wasn't above teasing him as it was anyway. In the end, what was the worst to happen to him? Salt in his coffee? Jump scares? Deidara pretending to be dead even though the blond knew very well not to cross that line with Sasori- so actually that prank was taken back.

Alas he waited around all day, doing the normal things he'd do. Get a (un-salted) coffee, go to class, meet up with Deidara and make out for a bit in his car before going out to a pleasant lunch, back for class he had with Deidara and then being with Deidara again in the evening for a date. The same old same old.

The morning was typical. Typical same old coffee. Typical classes.

He at least expected something to pick up when he bumped into Deidara while going to his next class on campus. However all he got was a quick kiss and a not so discreet squeeze to the butt.

"What's cookin' good lookin'?"

Sasori really didn't know how to respond to that. He wasn't cooking anything? Deidara always said the strangest things...

Then he was swatted on the butt,

"Fresh buns hun, hn!" Running away giggling like a mad man.

Sasori was left in shock. The last person to spank him was his Granny and that's when she was furious! Honestly she was more of a pincher and ear yankee.

Was this considered a prank? Or was this his boyfriends weird playful self. Perhaps it was a prank because he had never heard anyone ask someone 'what's cooking'. What does that MEAN? Perhaps it's a weird just a foreigner saying rather than a weird boyfriend saying...

"Maybe I am being pranked?"

Cautious now for sure, the two met up for their daily make out session in Deidara's car. And WHAT a session. Sasori seriously regretted interrupting it when he asked what the hell that cooking spiel was about.

"Oh that? That's just a bad pick up line back in my homeland."

"Ah, so it makes no sense there too?"

"Well, it makes sense. It's just cheesy as hell, hn. Most of the time it's a joke."

Sasori couldn't even focus on asking what the use of 'cheesy' meant. Instead he focused on the word joke that came afterwards.

"A joke?"

"I was just being silly." Deidara laughed, hands sinking lower down his boyfriends back, "But it's true though, those are some fine ass buns you got baked there." He added giving Sasori's butt a firm squeeze making him flinch in shock again.

"Mercy you're courageous." Sasori sighed as he let the blond feel him up. At least now he understood the pick-up line. At least he thought he did...

"Let's head out for lunch, hn?" Deidara asked, finally pulling away and clicking his seatbelt on.

Sasori nodded and put his own seatbelt on. He was sure jealous that Deidara could afford a car on top of living in a different country to go to school. One could only assume that was the difference in grandparents. Sasori's wanted him close by at all times and attending a nearby school; no car means traveling away was more difficult. Deidara's grandpa however wanted him as far away as possible and was sure to spend as much as possible to keep the blond content while far away. The last thing the old guy wanted was a loud mopey grandson returning early. Deidara was even encouraged to date, get a job and and settle down there.

Sasori was already hoping it would be with him. However based on how long it was taking it for them to be more...Intimate... He wasn't sure what was going on in that pretty blond head.

"Ah, sure."

"Great, hn!" Deidara started the car, "There is this little shop that recently opened up that I've been dying to try!"

Sasori's eyes narrowed at that. A new restaurant the blond wants to try, huh? On any other day this sort of thing would be common. Deidara loved trying out new and exciting things, even though most of the time they were actually quite basic and even mundane to Sasori. It was cute though. Seeing Deidara frolic in his traditional clothes, eat certain everyday foods and be completely amazed, even if it was just the most basic stuff out there. Everything he took for granted, Deidara loved.

Now he was smiling as he recalled Deidara saying he loved doing these things even more because they did it together. How could he possibly think for a moment that just because in his home county it was a pranking day that he would do something rude out on one of their dear adventures. Although like how Hidan said he wouldn't put it above Deidara to set him on fire, he too wouldn't put it above the blond to do something foolish to him in public.

Sasori was ashamed he thought that way of Deidara though. Even for a moment.

Lunch truly was a delight. Deidara was right, that place was rather exciting and delicious at the same time. His boyfriend was on his best behavior and was even showing off his ever improving language and reading skills as he read from the menu without a lick of help; even if he had read it like a child carefully sounding out each word slowly and sloppily.

His boyfriend was too adorable!

Even in the one class they shared, Deidara was a amazing as per usual; even if he was on the receiving end of a few unwanted and frankly embarrassing winks and eyebrow wiggles. Sasori already knew those things were far from PRANKS. Deidara did these silly lovey dovey things all the time. These were apparently normal signs of affection back in his home country, no matter how embarrassing they were here.

"Are ya comin' over after class?" Deidara spoke quietly as he took a moment off working on his drawing.

Sasori nodded, "Of course. Time away from Granny Chiyo and Time with you? Sounds like a most remarkable time."

"Hn!"

Getting back to work, Sasori smiled. Deidara wasn't going to prank him. They were too much in love for that stuff. He let out a sigh though... Man did he ever wish to have his own place like Deidara did. Then he wouldn't have to deal with his Granny. Or see her in her pajamas every morning... Eugh.

The two arrived at Deidara's place and to be honest, fell asleep right away. They were exhausted young adults in university after all!

Waking up first, Sasori got started on dinner knowing Deidara would hear the noises eventually and wake up groggy and useless. Not that Sasori had anything against preparing a meal for his boyfriend.

The way Deidara saw it, all the ingredients that he had, he most of the time didn't even know how to use them! The first time he went actually shopping he had his friend Hidan fill up the basket with staples and easy foods. Little did Hidan know was that Deidara had no clue what half the things were and when he did try to cook with them, Hidan would laugh at the blonds poor attempt to make a soup filled with everything that didn't belong in there. Sure it wasn't the most delicious thing out there, but the two stomached it. Thank goodness Sasori came into his life to take what was crammed in the back of the cupboards and make a real meal. Again, it was basic staple foods to Sasori like Hidan had mentioned but to Deidara it was a fantastic cuisine.

The way Sasori saw it, if he cooked he wouldn't have to eat Deidara's terrible cooking. Or in this days special case, prankable cooking. Plus he enjoyed all the praises from Deidara. So no, it wasn't a problem to cook for him at all.

"Danna you're the besssst."

Sasori smiled at his pet name being called out. The voice was weak and groggy. Clearly the boy had no intention of cooking tonight to fool with the food.

Of course he wasn't getting pranked!

Sitting at the table now eating. Deidara sat adjacent to Sasori looking more awake. Still, to Sasori's knowing eyes, he knew his boyfriend looked off. Something wasn't right.

Was it because he didn't get to celebrate his weird holiday today?

"Deidara are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine..."

"I SAID I'M FINE."

A moment of silence broke between the two. Sasori secretly rolled his eyes. Sometimes Deidara could act like SUCH woman. Mood swings, the way he took care of his appearance, and now Sasori was pretty sure if a woman said they were fine, they were absolutely NOT fine. Next thing he knew Deidara would be a sobbing mess like he is now...

Wait.

"Oh my goodness gracious! Deidara are you crying!?"

"Yes you idiot, I'm crying!" Deidara shrieked, voice cracking as he removed his hand from his face where Sasori would now see visible tears on the red cheeks.

"I knew you weren't fine! What's wrong? Are you okay!?" Sasori yelled, getting up from his seat to kneel before Deidara, taking his hand in his own.

"No I'm not okay!"

"Then tell me what's wrong!"

"You! You're what's wrong!"

Sasori froze. Were... Were they going to break up? Today was perfect! Everyday was perfect! What was this- some sort of joke!?

Joke?

"What's wrong with me?" Sasori asked, keeping a level head, ready to be given a fake break-up prank. He knew what was coming and he felt bad that he ruined Deidara's joke on his special day.

"You're too perfect and I just love you so much!"

Sasori's heart sank a moment. This was the prank? Deidara had never once said he loved him and this is how it would be the first time? Wait- were they actually breaking up?

"Wait- Deidara you know I love you too-"

"But you wouldn't! Not if you knew the truth, hn!" Deidara sobbed yanking away from Sasori, and slamming his hands on the table as he stood up to leave the room.

Like hell that was happening though! Sasori was quick to follow, not understanding what the 'truth' was. That he celebrated a weird custom? He knew that! Was that it? What was going on!

"Deidara I've told you before that I love you! To hear you say it back to me know and then to question mine... I'm short on words!" Sasori spoke, looking for his lost words as he searched the blond for them.

Deidara wailed loudly again, plopped himself down on the couch throwing his hands into his hair, "Oh Danna if only you knew, if only you knew!"

Grasping Deidara's hands back away from the long locks, Sasori moved them close to his own chest this time, "Tell me Deidara; tell me what I need to know!"

Deidara looked away and bit his bottom lip, fresh tears still staining his face, "Well you see Danna, we've never been physically intimate for a particular reason... And of you knew the truth you would hate me for sure, hn."

Sasori was in complete disbelief, "I could _never_ hate you!"

"Sasori, I..."

"Yes?"

"I..."

" _Yes_!"

"I'm actually a woman!"

Sasori silently blinked a few times as he processed his sobbing boyfriend- girlfriend? Well, _their_ sobbing words. This was truly was tough to swallow. Sasori was shocked! It sure would explain a lot of things though. What Deidara had said...

"See! Your disgusting silance...is this is is this...this written all over ya face!"

Sasori was quick to check his face, trying to ignore all the broken language from a crying Deidara. No he didn't feel a snarl formed, nor his eyebrows raised. He was actually quite good at hiding any and all facial expressions so why would one show up now? Deidara had to have been exaggerating... But with all the broken language it sounded so real!

Sasori really didn't like women though. That was one of the first things the two talked about when they met though. Just on how gay they were. Deidara knew he was gayer than gay! Why would he- she try to trick him into dating him?

"You were just so handsome and talented and so cool... I played you like a fool I'm so sorry!" Deidara cried harder, voice squeaking unnaturally. "Hate me all you want! I deserve it!"

Rubbing his eyes, Sasori didn't know what to do, especially after going on and on about loving the blond no matter what. Now to hear their whole relationship was a huge joke! And on April Fools nonetheless!

Wait.

Sasori thought carefully.

If there was one person he knew who was gayer than him, it was Deidara. Deidara was so gay it was amazing. Sasori was 100% gay sure, but Deidara was 110% gay. This was _the_ joke! This was _the_ prank! AND HE FELL FOR IT. Well, the prank wasn't over yet. Sooner or later Deidara would have to admit it. They were still dating after all. What a brat! This prank hurt! This was the way Deidara was going to say he loved him? Not cool! Sasori wasn't going down without a fight. Yes. _They were definitely still dating after all._

"No Deidara. This is okay."

Deidara peeked up from sobbing into his hands, "What?"

Sasori took the hands back into his own and kissed them softly, "I've been keeping a secret from you too. I'm so glad you told me this."

"...What?"

"It's the reason I never pressured you into intimacy." Sasori signed, kissing those sweet hands, breaking into a smile directed towards Deidara, "I too am a woman!"

"What!?"

Sasori was intrigued by the immediate disgusted snarl on Deidara's lips. Unlike him, Deidara was an open book.  
"Yes it's true. Before met you I was nothing more than a butch lesbian."

" _Butch_ lesbian?" Deidara spoke, deadpanned.

Bitch, butch _WHERE_.

"Now we can still be in love together and be lesbians!"

"What."

"We can have sex tonight to celebrate our open love!"

"What."

"Our soft flowery vaginas mushing and gushing together. Getting all sticky and moist."

"Ooh kay..."

"I assume you also have breasts like me? Let us jiggle them in unison as I suckle at your teet."

"Oh..."

"Rubbing our clitorises together till we climax in an amazing lesbian unison! Deidara I love you!"

"Okay, NO! No no. No no no!"

"Whaaaat~?"

"No! Not lesbian! Sasori what, no! Oh my god no. Oh my fuck! No! I'm sorry shit! I was just joking, shit!"

"Whaaaat~?"

"In my home country April first is called April Fools where we prank each other!"

Sasori's face dramatically dropped causing Deidara to physically flinch in horror, "So you're pranking your love for me?"

"Ahh shit! I love you Sasori, but like, I'm a gay man! I love dick! I had no idea you were a woman!" Deidara screeched, ruffling his long hair as he stood up, turning away. "I'm so gay you don't understand! I love penis and dick in my ass and-"

"Deidara." Sasori sighed, shuffling around in his seat.

A bright red Deidara pounded on his head not even capable of looking at his new girlfriend, "What!"

"April fools."

Turning back around Deidara took one look at Sasori and nearly fell over in laughter. There sitting behind him cool as a cucumber was his boyfriend, dick out in his hand.

"What the hell, Danna!" Deidara yelled while laughing, tears welling in his eyes. Plopping on the floor he pounded on Sasori's thigh with his fist. "You got me! You got me so good, hn!"

Sasori chuckled, rather amused now with what had just happened. Especially now that Deidara was laughing like this. Sure he was enjoying making his boyfriend suffer for his less than tactful declaration of love, but this stream of laughter more than made up for it. What a peculiar holiday.

"I love you Deidara."

Deidara got on his knees and sat up, plopping a kiss on Sasori's lips, "I love you too, but how did you know about April Fools? I've been planning this prank for over a month!"

"Deidara please, you take the time to learn my culture, I take the time to learn yours." Sasori lied through his teeth.

Rolling his eyes Deidara grabbed Sasori's dick without a care, making him flinch drastically,

"I really wouldn't call it a culture. Most people don't even celebrate it because their too lazy. I just enjoy being an ass, hn."

Sasori tried to keep a straight face as Deidara's hand moved around his member but made no notion to get him to stop, "A-ah, is that so?"

"If I had known you knew about the holiday, I would have picked a different prank and I could have been all over you sooner."

Sasori nodded slowly as Deidara inched his face to his member, taking his sweet time in giving it a gentle kiss.

"I... See..."

"How about this though, since I'm not ready for anything too freaky," Deidara sighed, puling away and standing up, "how about instead of rubbing our nasty vaginas together we rub our amazing dicks together."

With a gentle shimmy, Deidara's pants and boxers were around his thighs while his hand trailed up his stomach to pull up his shirt.

"Sweet mercy..." Sasori groaned. Never had he seen anything so sexy in his life, nor had he done anything so erotic. The past thoughts of Deidara grabbing his ass in public being so incredibly scandalous were long gone. This was the real deal.

Finishing it off, Deidara kicked off his bottoms and walked to the other side of the room to where a small hallway led to his bedroom, "I'm waiting, Funny Boy. Waiting for far too long."

He wasn't the only one who had been doing some waiting. How could Sasori, especially after what he just saw and what was just offered. In tune with how long they had been dating, he agreed they could wait a little longer for sex, but a little fun here and there? Why that sounded positively delightful!

"Coming!"

Plopping down on the bed, Deidara yanked his shirt off and did something even more erotic than the gesture in the living room. Sasori could hardly focus on removing his own clothes as his boyfriend sat there on his knees, giving his spine a nice roll as he let all his long blond hair down so it trickled down his back.

"You're not going to tell April Fools once I'm naked, are you Deidara?" Sasori asked, dying for reassurance now knowing he was going to have his hands all over that body.

That was a serious fear at the moment.

Deidara laughed and shook his head, "Of course not Danna, I'm not that mean..." Slowly Deidara turned around showing off his backside, "For now you can wait and suffer for the day you get to be inside here, hn!"

"Oh my..."

Ripping his clothes off now, Sasori jumped on the bed alongside Deidara and pushed the blond down, doing the usual stuff they would do together while making out. The incredible plus side to it this time was the feel of skin against skin.

Whilst Sasori was busy focusing on what he was doing to Deidara's lips, jaw line and neck, the blond wasted no time in wrapping his hand around his boyfriends dick. He used his other hand to anchor Sasori's body by the hips bring them even closer. Hip to hip now, Deidara got both members in his hands and massaged them gently, rubbing them together just as he said they would.

"Wow..."

Deidara rolled his eyes, "Danna, I don's know if it's the language barrier, but you can say some of the most unsexy shit I have ever heard."

Sasori repressed a moan back, "And prey tell what would be considered un-sexy?"

"Not saying, 'Oh my', wow' and 'sweet mercy' are a few." Deidara chimed, laughing a little as he could even recalled the time Sasori thanked him after their first kiss.

That was when he knew Sasori was a keeper. Deidara had certainly fudged his words a little earlier when he had said his first thoughts of Sasori were of him being 'so cool'.

Deidara let out a loud throaty moan, tossing his head back, "Oh Danna, yes you feel so good against me, hn!"

Sasori moaned back, quietly observing how to properly covey pleasure. Suddenly as he kissed Deidara, he got the urge to give him a good quick bite. Not to break the skin, but enough to leave a few teeth marks and a jolt of pain. Just to try something new out.

"Oh shit! That was such a turn on!"

"Turn...on?" Sasori mumbled back wondering what Deidara was trying to actually say. Sometimes their two languages just didn't translate into each other very well.

"Again again again, hn!" Deidara yelled, fisting them faster.

That Sasori understood. A few little bites later and a nice big one, Sasori came, bucking his hips hard against Deidara. Their chests slammed together and his teeth latched fairly hard sending Deidara over the top as well and into his own loud moan.

The two panted happily, kissing each other without a care as to where the kisses landed and where the spit dripped. What they just did was fantastic and Sasori couldn't wait to do it again.

He knew though not to bring up the 'turn on' stuff to ruin the mood like he had done with the 'cooking good looking' earlier in the day.

"Ah, Sasori!" Deidara gushed, kissing Sasori hard, hands grabbing the sides of his face and taking fistfuls of hair. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." Sasori sighed, ears ringing like wedding bells at the sound of Deidara's raspy, honey dipped love confession and sweet kisses. "Merry April fools."

Deidara snorted, those fistfuls of hair slowly lowering till they tickled Sasori's spine, turning into warm snuggles, "Not quite babe. Not quite."

* * *

so i had this waiting since...u guessed it april fools. but i wasn't in the mood for writing smut and i was doing another smut fic anyway so i finished this up by basically cutting back on the smut. in my mind, even though it's late, who is honestly gonna complain about receiving free sasodei shit right? also don't read too much into the whole foreign thing. just enjoy them both being fools. BYE FOOLS!


End file.
